Top? Bottom? Vers? None of the above? Maybe your position is “Side.” According to Urban Dictionary, a ‘Side’ is a non-penetration homosexual activity
Grindr is adding the position “Side” to its options, to include users who are looking for a non-intercourse hook up.
According to Urban Dictionary, a side is “a homosexual male who does not enjoy anal penetration (giving or receiving), but will engage in other forms of same sex activity (fellatio, frottage, mutual masturbation, etc).”
The term was first used in 2013 by Dr. Joe Kort in a Huff Post op-ed he penned coming out as “Side” and help gay men like him to feel seen.
“Sides prefer to kiss, hug and engage in oral sex, rimming, mutual masturbation and rubbing up and down on each other, to name just a few of the sexual activities they enjoy,” Kort wrote. “These men enjoy practically every sexual practice aside from anal penetration of any kind. They may have tried it, and even performed it for some time, before they became aware that for them, it was simply not erotic and wasn’t getting any more so. Some may even enjoy receiving or giving anal stimulation with a finger, but nothing beyond that.”
“I did feel incredible shame because I felt marginalized not being a top or bottom,” Dr. Kort told Pride Source. “Everyone talked about fucking, and I felt embarrassed that I didn’t.”
Kort also reminds us that Sides have always been around without a term. “Having a name makes someone feel a sense of belonging and visibility,” he says.
Nevertheless, he encourages guys to not let judgment of others effect what they feel about themselves.
“Stay true and authentic to yourself about what you want and don’t want in bed,” he says. “You can endure this and persevere and find the right partner for you relationally and/or sexually. It is not different from those who are kinky. They have to sift through a lot of vanilla before they find the kinks they enjoy in a partner.”